1 Revised

I know I’m late for the rebuttal

But I feel no time is more fit than now

When people ask me “How are you?”

All I can say is “I really have no clue”

 

You were my best friend

I lived vicariously through you

You showed me the good things in life

And there’s not a day I don’t miss you

 

Pictures of you still hang on my wall

I think of the fact that I never made it on yours

 

I’m sorry I let you blame yourself for this for so long

In reality, our personalities perfectly collided

I saw myself through you and you saw yourself in me

But I couldn’t allow that, I couldn’t let you become me

 

It was all fun and games until I started getting in my head

You always said what was on your mind and it was a slap to my dread

We were also polar opposites

So what went wrong, it was my b

 

I could never be tired of you and I see you in the halls

You’re doing better than ever

All I want is to give you a call but what good would that do

You’re doing so well and I don’t want to change that

 

I never once could hate you because you made me who I am

I’m fearless and carefree and I owe it all to you

I’m not asking anything of this post because I know you’re doing well

You’re a blessing in my life today and you’ll be a blessing down the road

 

You’re leaving for college soon, the acceptances rolling in

Just remember me as the memories we once had

Not the way I ended things

Remember me through my apology in this poem

 

“Good luck and I wish you the best if we had our last hello and goodbye already

I hope you can accept my attempt at apology

You were the best best friend and sister I could ever ask for”

 

PS. You can keep the toothbrush

 

PPS. What does “1” mean?

Nolongerchildren

Closed eyes and I see two kittens sitting in the uphigh windowsill lapping a bowl of milk

A castle from scratch, decorated and well furnished

The jungle, not far from the throne, was filled with all the vampires and all the werewolves

At the bottom of the hill sat a shop where people came from miles and miles to visit – only on the warmest of days

 

The kittens soon became older and the jungle wasn’t well nourished, the castle became dilapidated and the shop was permanently closed

In the ruins lay a simple house full of secrets

A girl was born with her best friend and they were attached

Attached to each other and attached to the house full of secrets

 

In the backyard lay an oak that grew day by day with the inattentive nolongerchildren

It was sat on, laid on, slept under – the new swing had bruised it

The youthful branches healed around the rope, just in time for the new outdoor entertainment

Children soared high in the air and the oak was noticed only when its aging leaves drifted so delicately down

 

Winter fell upon the house full of secrets

Where the girl and her best friend sipped hot cocoa by the fire and gossiped of little boys

They made cakes and decorated them while singing Christmas music in the early stages of December

A broken clock span minutes in seconds, which the girl felt resembled her and her best friend’s aging selves

Stuck inside with no parental, they made a snowman and ran away from the neighboring little boy with cooties

 

The snowman melted and the girls returned home with their hearts on the line in the hands of a boy

Her best friend put her trust in many boys, she was very beautiful, which the girl understood

The girl was very much the opposite, and she fell hard, only to never be picked up

But there was one boy, the baseball boy, who made her feel butterflies and allowed sun into her life

He shone his sun upon the life of another girl, where flowers sprouted and grew very strong

 

The two kittens who once lived in place of the house of secrets never strayed far from their oncehome

And the girl and her best friend drove with their voices through the windows and their heads in the air,

listening to Christmas music in the early stages of fall

The baseball boy and her best friend all bought beautifully crafted pieces of glass and they weren’t allowed pets so they nurtured plants instead

And the children, once again, soared high in the air

 

Her best friend loaned her neverbroken heart out once more into a boy’s hands

A boy who shone his sun in her life, and they, too, grew strong flowers

The girl settled for a makeshift boy, one that had all the eyes for her

But she realized she had never recovered from the fall she witnessed from the baseball boy, the boy which she was trampled upon for

 

The flowers wilted and the sun never shone for the baseball boy and his meadow of a girl

And the girl and her makeshift boy didn’t last past daylight

The girl became addicted to the affection of the baseball boy, it was her hardest drug to resist

The clock now stopped, and the girl felt it resembled her heart with the boy

She never knew if his sun would ever shine for her in the way it sprouted flowers for another girl

 

But flowers are inevitable and they only come after the sun

Windows Down

For months I have written about significant moments

and significant people and significant things

And although you are absent from this list

so far

It’s only because I am at a loss of words

because

you are the most significant thing of all

 

I hope you know who this is written for

because

no one deserves this poem

other than you

 

I hate the way we’re always thinking the same thing

and more often say the exact

same

thing

at the exact

same

time

 

I hate that we have the same favorite song

and the same favorite movie

 

We’re one person

in two bodies

 

I hate us

 

Everyone else is so

extra

But you

You can make me laugh in the worst times

and can make me cry in the best times

only because you make me so happy

 

We can sit in a group of however many

and it’s still just me and you

bringing up old inside jokes

While others are laughing

we’re laughing for a whole other reason

 

You sit in the front seat of my car

that will always be reserved for you

The windows rolled down

The car filled silent when you forget to pick another song

 

I gossip to you

and you gossip back to me

the exact same thing I gossiped to you

Because we only ever talk to each other

and always end up laughing off

our antisocial lives

 

You know what’s coming out of my mouth

before I even think it

Our entire lives spent together

and it’s still not enough time

 

The nights I look forward to most

are those spent with you and I alone

Pajamas and junk food and movies

on a makeshift bed

two doors down from your room

 

We cry together

laugh together

party together

exercise together

live together

enjoy together

hate together

 

The real definition of

a dream team

 

The importance of you in my life

is unmeasurable

Hours without you feel like weeks

Days without you feels like months

 

Pictures of children and teenagers

and some day

college students and adults

with families and elderly neighbors

with wrap around porches

and a swing for two

 

Our futures separating us

from one world to another

I already worry

I already cry for the day when

we have to say goodbye

But I know

the best day of my life

will be the day I get to see you again

 

I’m crying as I’m sitting in bed writing this for you

because I can never tell you how much I appreciate you

Even if I spend every minute of my life doing so

You’re the most important person in my life

 

and I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you

You Close Your Hands Around me Tight

You close your hands around me tight

Your presence just enough

The irritating dog you own

The fact that you say “muff”

 

Children about the streets of Mexico

memories, nonetheless

Criticized for your choice of clothes

proud of the way you dress

 

Your passion for everything you do

I understand your love

of planes and friends and family

and everything thereof

 

Too hard on yourself in the little life we have

Everything about you is ideal

Never unnoticed or unrecognized

You can even manage to cook a meal

 

The care I show for you causes

competition from another girl

We both know she doesn’t approve of me

putting us both up for a whirl

 

You have plans fo future

We have plans for a future together

Knowing very well that

we’re going to be best friends forever

 

Late nights spent at your house

hardly working but working hard

In order to spend more time with you

the food your mother brings

I could never discard

 

Supportive of all my choices

the good and the bad

Everything that you are

will make you a great dad

 

I will drop everything in a heartbeat

if I’m doing it for you

No task is too big or too small

because I know you will always come through

 

You focus on the good things in life

Your future solid as a rock

You have your priorities straight

Our conversations never feel like small talk

 

The understanding we have for each other

is one we can’t ignore

A shot of vodka because we have to

Awkward pictures galore

 

I never want to lose you

Not today not for a while

I hope to be there

to see her walk down the aisle

 

My children will call you uncle

My family already calls you son

When you feel left alone

know I’m here for the long run

 

Always knowing what to say

Our personalities perfectly collide

I know that whenever I’m lost

you’ll always be my guide

 

Someday we’ll go back to the place

where, under a rock, we hid that bottle

So many things happened that night and

we all woke up the next morning feeling awful

 

You open up to me like no one has before

My source of happiness, relief and stability

Never once in an argument or, at least,

one that would ever end badly

 

You’re the best person in my life

and sometimes, the worst

But you still call me late at night

which can involve little to no converse

 

The irritation and hatred you feel for me

I see it in your face

But the way you tell me “everything’s okay”

let’s me know there is no other place

 

The way I love you

is none I’ve felt before

You’re my best friend

Nothing less, always more

150 Things I Want My Best Friend and Future Children to Know

  1. Drink tea every morning
  2. Never skip a meal
  3. I will always be proud of you
  4. Shower every night
  5. Clean your sheets once a week
  6. Always use scented fabric softener
  7. Never delete contacts
  8. Keep a daily journal
  9. Celebrate every holiday
  10. Become best friends with your siblings
  11. Have a best friend you want to tell everything to as soon as it happens
  12. Always sit with the kid that’s alone
  13. Go to bed early and wake up late
  14. Be independent
  15. Make a bubble bath when you’re angry
  16. Learn how to cook
  17. Get good grades
  18. Know your happiness always comes first
  19. Put away some of your money for a rainy day
  20. Write letters to your future self
  21. Mail those letters to a random address
  22. Make friends around the world
  23. Remember the person you were before you met the boy
  24. Remember the person you were before you met that friend
  25. Do your homework the day it’s assigned
  26. Apologize
  27. Enjoy homemade meals
  28. Call people
  29. Have one fancy outfit
  30. Do whatever you have to do in order to be happy
  31. Change your hairstyle
  32. Spend money
  33. Ask questions
  34. Tell me everything
  35. Break the law
  36. Always have a Plan B
  37. Use a phone case
  38. Eye contact
  39. Wear what makes you comfortable
  40. Learn to enjoy beer
  41. Never sleep it off
  42. Gossip to me
  43. Never be embarrassed
  44. Some people aren’t worth it
  45. Treat yourself
  46. Don’t smoke cigarettes
  47. Love what you’re passionate about
  48. Shave upwards
  49. Sometimes, don’t think about the consequences
  50. Buy your favorite book
  51. Call me if you ever need anything, no questions asked
  52. Listen to music loudly
  53. Age is just a number
  54. Weight is just a number
  55. Appreciate the little things
  56. Buy your best friend Valentine’s Day roses and chocolates
  57. Make birthday cards
  58. Keep secrets, including  your own
  59. Have a special place
  60. Use a planner
  61. It’s okay to miss school
  62. Read before you go to bed
  63. Laugh
  64. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to
  65. Don’t be needy
  66. Try new things
  67. Believe what people tell you until they give you a reason not to
  68. Get a job
  69. Fall in love with someone who will love you as much as I do
  70. Learn to read a map
  71. Listen to everyone
  72. Be honest with people
  73. Write poetry
  74. Have safe sex
  75. Don’t apologize for how you feel
  76. Live every minute like it’s your last
  77. Wear moderate makeup
  78. Take walks
  79. Go camping
  80. Wear what people give you
  81. Tell someone you love them every day
  82. It’s okay to cry
  83. Call your parents
  84. Read your horoscope
  85. Stop comparing yourself to others
  86. Know that I need you more than you need me
  87. Doodle
  88. Your battles are my battles
  89. Always carry a full water bottle
  90. Be creative
  91. Make your bedroom your happiest place
  92. Buy good gifts
  93. Dress up for Halloween
  94. Always have a phone charger on you
  95. Take photos of everything
  96. Put your phone down when doing homework
  97. Tell me about your date
  98. Do community service
  99. Wear red lipstick
  100. Never have more than four shots
  101. Never have more than five hits
  102. Eat fruit and vegetables
  103. Wash your hands
  104. Don’t forget important dates and birthdays
  105. Play with kids
  106. Write hand-written notes
  107. Karma is good
  108. Hug
  109. Be spontaneous and unpredictable
  110. Have a happy playlist
  111. Have a sad playlist
  112. Have good hygiene
  113. Be the friend you want to have
  114. Learn from your mistakes
  115. Make mistakes
  116. Appreciate where you came from
  117. Borrow my clothes
  118. Always give borrowed things back
  119. Pay extra for nice razors and haircuts
  120. Go out and drive and watch the sunset
  121. Have everything you will ever need in your purse
  122. You don’t owe anyone anything
  123. Have hobbies
  124. Don’t wear dirty clothes
  125. Wear fun socks
  126. Play rugby or powderpuff
  127. Be the person who holds back people’s hair when necessary
  128. I’m always going to be on your side
  129. Wear heels
  130. Ask for advice
  131. Keep souvenirs and tickets
  132. Go swimming with clothes on
  133. Go swimming without clothes on
  134. Do stuff without being asked
  135. Believe in conspiracies
  136. Go to music festivals
  137. Good shoes and bras are necessary
  138. Know how to shuffle cards
  139. Everything is going to be okay, I’ll make sure of it
  140. Be a teenager
  141. Say “No”
  142. Appreciate the good and the bad times
  143. Take pride in what you do
  144. Be generous
  145. The truth is always easier
  146. Make lists
  147. Know your priorities
  148. Be yourself and don’t let anyone change you
  149. Run away from toxic relationships
  150. Know your worth

And So She Goes

T-minus nine days until the changes begin,

Nine days and our home is already changing.

 

For the last three years, her room had not once been clean.

Our bathtub full of little soaps and scrubs –

all of them half empty.

My bathtub now has two coordinated soaps

and my mom’s couch is covered in five garbage bags of old clothes.

 

I remember making forts and playing Guitar Hero and house

I remember playing Tony Hawk and Lego and Lego Star Wars

 

I accidentally said “I love you,” before I hung up the phone,

she said it back, but we agreed we’d never talk about it again.

When she wakes me up, she pokes me in the forehead

or throws a cat on me

because she doesn’t know how else to do it.

I honestly wouldn’t expect anything else from her.

 

People told me all the sweet things they do with their sisters

and I explain how I can’t relate to any of those things,

that I do nicer things for my friends than my sister.

But then I realize that’s what makes us sisters.

 

Fourteen days until I’m back at school

surrounded by a bunch of people I pretend to know,

and vice-versa.

Fourteen days and I have so much to do and no time to do it.

Nails, shopping, eyebrows, friends

while babysitting, dog sitting, seeing family and saying goodbye.

 

Thirty one days until I gain my freedom

although it won’t be the same.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how

it’s just going to be me.

Me on my birthday, me at family dinners.

 

And so she goes, with herself and her life on the plane.

Although, I’m left behind.

No one left to man the fort,

no one left to defend the wounded.

No one thought this transition would hurt me

but there she goes

and I was hurt most of all.