Strategy to Kill

I’m currently crammed in the back seat of a white van with the words “Great Transportation” printed on the sides. I’m forced to sit on the buckle between two seats because my particularly overweight coach is on one side of me, and my particularly underweight partner is sitting comfortably on my left. We just made it to St. Louis, Missouri, and I have yet to say that name without sounding completely and helplessly southern. My team consists of three players (including me), two parents (none which are mine), and our one coach. The flight this morning was not the peachiest thing to wake up to in the morning — particularly because our seating arrangement then is the same one we have now.

Tomorrow is the first day of the High School Racquetball National Championships, and I could be less excited. My ranking is unfortunately very high, translating to me having to play very good players. I wouldn’t be complaining if my two teammates weren’t racquetball prodiges.

In order to be on my best game tomorrow, I must go to bed at precisely 10:08 P.M. This is because I will wake up at precisely 9:52 A.M. and I need precisely twelve hours of sleep to be fully rested. I will then drink a glass of orange juice as soon as I wake up (I will have to pre-pour it tonight) and eat a slice of toast thirty minutes after (about 10:22 A.M.) to absorb the sugar of the orange juice. In order to get my full nutrients, I will cook up a dozen sausages and eat only one and two thirds, to account for my protein level for that meal. (I have to cook a dozen in order to cook to proportionally in the large pan.)

Afterwards, my team and I will deport in the “Great Transportation” van at 12:22 P.M., since we’re supposed to leave my 12:15 P.M.  and we’re going to need precisely seven extra minutes. This will leave our ETA to 12:49 P.M.

Once arrived, I will place my practice ball on the left of my game ball, to make it more accessible. I will then place those on top of my practice racquet, which is above my game racquet, with my goggles on top of my glove but under my practice and game balls. My water bottle will be filled with twenty three ice cubes with water at 42 degrees fahrenheit, so the temperature reaches twenty five degrees by the time I play in one hour and thirty one minutes.

In order to be cleansed, I will begin with my yoga eighteen minutes before my game, leaving three minutes per pose and three minutes to stand and breathe. Once in the court, I will hit the ball three times from the 8 foot line, 12 foot line, 17 foot line, and five times from the 20 foot line. I will do the same thing but double on the backhand side. And then I am ready.


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