I don’t know what it is, but there’s something wrong with me.
The people I surround myself with, my family and friends, I couldn’t ask for better. They care about me and want what’s best for me and make me laugh and smile and make me a better person.
The opportunities I’ve been given, the opportunities to travel and to meet new people and to explore and do things I would never imagine doing. They’re all so amazing and a blessing, not a guarantee.
My personality was not all my doing, I couldn’t have been stubborn and intelligent and giving and trustworthy and understanding all on my own. I inherited that from the great people I surround myself with – the people that made me who I am.
But for some reason, none of that matters. None of that matters when I lock my thoughts inside an empty skull and let it bounce around until my skull has cracked. None of that matters when you shut it all out. For Gods sake, you were given these things — why can’t you appreciate these things not everyone has the luxury to appreciate. People WISH for a life like yours, appreciate it God damnit.
I have so much to be thankful for and I do I do I’m thankful for it. But for some reason my heart and my brain hate each other. They hate each other so much that they’re at war. My brain wants to break my skull and my heart is thankful, it’s thankful it’s thankful I promise.
Some days my brain wins and some days the heart. Yeah, that’s the best way to explain it. The days my brain wins are the days I’m locked inside my head, the head want’s me all to itself. And when the hearts winning, those are the best days. Because the heart is thankful.
And see, right now my heart is wounded. It was hurt bad so there’s no place for good days. But the heart is what fuels the brain and some day the brain will have to loose and that’s what keeps my heart alive.
Just be patient, because soon my heart will heal and I promise you it’s thankful.