Before She

She walked one foot in front of the other, her head held so high that her hair never fell in front of her face. She laughed at everything anyone ever said. She had never liked her laugh and often laughed at the way it sounded. She wore exotic colors, with shorts over her tights and a different pair of vibrant socks worn to every soccer game. Every Friday her class watched an episode of National Geographic and she would be the friend to bring popcorn and candy and soda. The friend that was a perfectionist and raised her hand and did all the work in group projects. Limited to three questions a day in a thirty minute class. Before she moved


Before she moved, they sat her down and told her they were selling the house. They told her this on her eleventh birthday. The “For Sale” sign went up the next day. They bought an apartment and her parents began to switch off living with the kids every other week. This went on for a year. They always said they thought “it would be easier on the kids.” It wasn’t. The kids watched one car drive away from the house as another one arrived. They watched the new parent rearrange the house to their liking. And then the next day the kids would feed themselves because the new parent needed to go back to the apartment because they forgot something. Before her parents got divorced


Before her parents got divorced she was happy. She played three sports and was good at all of them. Her friendships had lasted throughout elementary school and she was happy. She wanted her friends to remember her as this: As the girl who had flowers on her pants and barrettes in her hair. As the girl that got 100% on her timed multiplication tables. As the friend that brought her new iPhone to school because everyone wanted to play with it. The student that sat with the kid sitting alone. Who became close friends with the cafeteria lady and cried with her when they saw each other again. Before she became depressed


After she became depressed, she was no longer all that. She would go through multiple pairs of shoes because her feet dragged across the street and the soles soon became worn. She discovered makeup and soon wore too much of it and her eyes became blacker as her cheeks became puffier. She sat in her teacher’s classroom during lunch and became very close to her as well. Students began to notice her less and less and she began to do more and more for her friends. She knew what it was like to be in rock bottom and she didn’t wish that upon anyone else. Her peers began referring to her as “the nice girl” and she began referring to them as shadows. Before she found happiness again


After she found happiness again she became more involved. She started to go to more football games and more classes and her friends became closer and her peers were there. Grades were raised and she was out every weekend. She became a teenager and made mistakes and had fun

and she was there, too.


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