1 by Sydney Lake

When someone asks me about you

I don’t know how to respond

“What happened?”

“I really have no clue”

That’s the most unsettling part to me.

 

They used to call us inseparable

I see things and get reminded of you

Every time I walk in my bathroom

I see your toothbrush

It’s just staring at me

Reminding me

that I messed up somehow

But I can’t get passed the fact that somehow this could have been avoided.

 

Maybe we weren’t meant to friends forever

It was probably just perfect timing

We each needed someone else to rely on

But maybe you just got tired of me always relying on you

I don’t know.

You probably think that I didn’t appreciate you enough

But that’s crazy

I don’t know anyone who would do half the things you did for me.

I don’t know.

I’ve never connected with someone so quickly.

Just think: I’m pretty sure we only got up to our sixth month anniversary.

 

Sometimes I hold onto the fact that maybe this all was just a big misunderstanding

You think I stopped talking to you,

but to me it was the other way around

I don’t know

I guess I would rather just blame the new school year and the changes

than myself.

I knew that I had been replaced

and I felt like it would never be the same again.

 

I guess I’d like others to know the decision was up to me

Instead of them discovering that I am weak.

I tell people we hung out so much

and we became too alike.

 

The same person.

I say: “She turned into me”

“and I hate myself”

So that’s why we don’t talk anymore

The thing is part of that statement is correct

Maybe that’s part of it

Who knows.

 

I could keep writing for hours

But I think it’s time for this post to end

So, just know this:

I know you and your friends probably hate me,

but I do miss you sometimes,

thinking about the time we spent together

I’m not sure if you would agree

because lately it just seems like you hate me.

I’m not asking for anything in this post because I know you deserve better

and better for you clearly doesn’t include me

but as long as you’re happy I’ll leave you alone.

I know you can take care of yourself and you have friends that love you unconditionally.

I’m not worried that you’ll be worried about me so feel free to move on entirely.

I’m going to college sooner than you realize so you wont have to worry about avoiding me.

Good luck and I wish you the best if we had our last hello and goodbye already

I hope you can accept my attempt at apology.

You were the best best friend and sister I could ever ask for.

 

PS. Do you want your toothbrush back?

 

 

#happy194days

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