And So She Goes

T-minus nine days until the changes begin,

Nine days and our home is already changing.

 

For the last three years, her room had not once been clean.

Our bathtub full of little soaps and scrubs –

all of them half empty.

My bathtub now has two coordinated soaps

and my mom’s couch is covered in five garbage bags of old clothes.

 

I remember making forts and playing Guitar Hero and house

I remember playing Tony Hawk and Lego and Lego Star Wars

 

I accidentally said “I love you,” before I hung up the phone,

she said it back, but we agreed we’d never talk about it again.

When she wakes me up, she pokes me in the forehead

or throws a cat on me

because she doesn’t know how else to do it.

I honestly wouldn’t expect anything else from her.

 

People told me all the sweet things they do with their sisters

and I explain how I can’t relate to any of those things,

that I do nicer things for my friends than my sister.

But then I realize that’s what makes us sisters.

 

Fourteen days until I’m back at school

surrounded by a bunch of people I pretend to know,

and vice-versa.

Fourteen days and I have so much to do and no time to do it.

Nails, shopping, eyebrows, friends

while babysitting, dog sitting, seeing family and saying goodbye.

 

Thirty one days until I gain my freedom

although it won’t be the same.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how

it’s just going to be me.

Me on my birthday, me at family dinners.

 

And so she goes, with herself and her life on the plane.

Although, I’m left behind.

No one left to man the fort,

no one left to defend the wounded.

No one thought this transition would hurt me

but there she goes

and I was hurt most of all.

 

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